you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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