You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
