There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
