My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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