I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
