I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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