Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
