One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
