haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
