She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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