I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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