i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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