please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
