Kareoke will never be a sober sport
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
a search helicopter?!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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