i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
