Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
