And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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