i was born a porn star she said
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
