if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
