She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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