I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
