What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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