Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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