my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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