i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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