I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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