My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
