True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
