Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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