Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
