At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
