i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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