So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
