Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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