how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
