the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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