somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
