So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
