i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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