he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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