im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize