you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
