Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
