Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
