Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
