Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
