I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
