There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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