If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize