Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
