I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
