are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
