The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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