Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Randomize
