Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
