Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
