Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
