I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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