handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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