Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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