Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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