i think my mom watched the whole time
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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