Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
