My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
