I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
