He is such a slut. More and more my type.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
