Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
