First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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