The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
