My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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