Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
