sarcasm needs its own font
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
