Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
