Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
this is an emotional support booty call
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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