Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
