Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
