ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
