i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
