I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
