Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
